I once had a company call me back for an interview on New Year’s Eve (around 6 or 7 pm)…It’s like dude, for one thing, I’ve been pregaming it for New Year’s Eve, and second, you’re a tiny independent kindergarten in Japan, I know jack shit all about your school beyond that. And now I know you work insane hours (New Year’s is a huge family holiday in Japan, no one works it, especially not school teachers), and I want nothing to do with you.

I had a candidate tell me “I have extreme anger problems and I can’t help but get loud and hands-on when’s someone doesn’t get what I’m trying to say.” It was for an engineering internship.

Pee on them. Assert your dominance.

Did this already! Was nervous and chugged the last of my coke before going inside. Went to shake the guy’s hand and say Hello but a very loud long burp came out instead. I just dropped his hand and left.

Sorry I’m late I got pulled over, but I was under the legal limit so…

I was recruiting a new engineer and a gentleman from the middle east applied. Great papers, great experience, awesome cover letter. We actually fly him in to do an in-person interview. He refused to speak to our female receptionist and refused to shake hands with the female HR manager doing the interview with me. He ignored her during the meeting. We ended the interview in about 5 minutes. Needless to say, he was not hired.

Does your employee theft policy offer second chances or would you fire me right away?

Interviewer asked me what I knew about the company, apparently, talking about their company’s spokesman being arrested for child molestation & possession of child pornography wasn’t the correct answer.

Bring a bottle of apple juice and proceed to tell the interviewer that you brought your own drug test sample whilst accidentally spilling it all over the table and their laps…

“Figuratively speaking how strict are your policies on sexual harassment?”

My manager once had a guy come in for a job interview. “Dolf” seemed really nice, clean-cut, polite. He was talking to her and rolled up his sleeves… SWASTIKAS!!! An arm full of swastikas. She was honest and told him she didn’t think it was going to work out, as the owner of the business was Jewish. He was like, “Okay, I understand.” They were in there for about two minutes.

Do you have masturbation breaks?

Interview going well. Female Interviewer: Do you have any questions? Me: About you or the company? Female Interviewer: ………….. Haunts my memory to this day.

Had an interview at a retail store: “I’m really good at zoning out and doing repetitive boring work”. Still got the job, dont know how.

I had a guy applying while completely stoned. He was like « don’t worry, I only smoke in the evening. Well sometimes before breakfast too.»

“Are there kids around, I’m not legally allowed near them?”

Walk in naked. “Wheres the couch?”